An open letter

Dear crazy bitch,

You are either stupid or deaf, or perhaps you are a mixture of the two. In either case, I'm going to repeat myself one more time: YOU WILL GET A FUCKING NEWSPAPER IN THE MORNING JUST LIKE YOU DO EVERY FUCKING MORNING!!!! You do not need to press your call light every 15 minutes asking me to not forget your paper. Every patient in the damn hospital receives a paper; you are no different.

I would also like to take this opportunity to address your repeated requests for an enema. I realize you believe you are horribly constipated. However, it may come as a surprise to you but not having taken a shit for two days does not qualify as "impacted". I have seen people who haven't taken a dump for two fucking weeks! Your two days does not worry me enough to call the doctor for an enema. Take your stool softner and prune juice and shut the fuck up.

Hugs and kisses,
Todd

p.s. Telling me over and over that you're sorry for calling repeatedly does not make it better.

p.p.s. Yes, as a matter of fact I do hate you.