Trimming the Hedges

While getting ready for work the other day, I looked down and realized that my pubic hair had gotten completely out of control. I’ve been trimming my pubes in some form since college. I don’t remember exactly why I started or why I even continue to this day. I suppose I’ve gotten to the point where I’m just used to it and now treat it like any other aspect of personal hygiene.

The first time I shaved my pubic hair, I was in the sixth grade. I decided that I didn’t understand why I had this hair growing around my penis and that there was no good reason to keep it. I absconded with one of my mother’s disposable razors, locked myself in the bathroom, and proceeded to shave myself clean. Afterwards, while dabbing at the little cuts around my crotch I couldn’t help but think I just looked weird. Perhaps it was the blood loss, but the sight of my cleanly shaved penis didn’t give me the sense of relief that I had been hoping for. So that was the reason I had pubic hair. So I wouldn’t look weird.

My next experiment didn’t come until college. I had grown tired of my hairy testicles and thought that there just had to be a better way to get rid of unwanted ball hair. I hit the local drug store and perused my options. Razor? As I learned back in the sixth grade, cuts on ones crotch are not desirable. Nads? Although the name implies genital usage, I couldn’t envision myself ripping the hair from my nuts. Nair? That was it! I would use Nair! It seemed like a brilliant idea. That warning on the back saying not to use on sensitive areas of your skin wasn’t for me. This would be perfect!

When I got home I went into the bathroom and disrobed. I rubbed the lotion onto my scrotum and waited. After the prescribed five minutes I wiped the lotion away. A miracle! The hair just fell away from the skin! This was indeed a wondrous product. After wiping the remaining lotion away, I decided that one more treatment was necessary to achieve the silky smooth balls I desired. I once again applied the lotion and waited.

Only this time, things didn’t go as well.

The skin on my scrotum began to burn. I quickly rubbed the lotion off, but the burning didn’t stop. I jumped into the shower and tried desperately to wash the remaining depilatory cream off my now burning testicles. Once the fire in my crotch subsided, I surveyed the damage. My scrotum was reddened and moist from where the top layer of skin had been burnt away. I had effectively given myself a chemical burn on my nuts. I spent the rest of the week trying not to walk bow-legged. Every evening when I took off my underwear, I had to slowly peel them off since the moisture from my raw scrotum had caused the cloth to adhere to the skin.

You’ll be happy to know that I never used Nair again and my balls healed up just fine. One chemical burn on my genitals was all it took for me to learn that lesson. These days I prefer to use a razor. None of those disposable things either; it’s a Mach 3 or nothing. I usually trim things up at least once or twice a week, but I guess I just let things go for awhile there. I jumped in the shower before heading to work and cleaned things up. When I got out of the shower I examined myself in the mirror. I suddenly remembered why I started trimming my pubes to begin with.

It makes everything look bigger.