Dead Nurse's guide to backyard renovations or How to make your backyard beautiful in 20 easy steps

1. Get price quote from straight male friend for constructing new brick patio in backyard.
2. Determine that price is too high and decide to construct patio yourself.
3. Research patio building options online.
4. Decide that building a patio is too hard and instead opt for installing new sod in backyard.
5. Choose day to begin project.
6. Push back start date a week in order to accommodate activities that are more fun.
7. Begin tearing up backyard with shovel and rake.
8. Have realization that a wheelbarrow would make completion of project much easier.
9. Travel to Home Depot and purchase cheapest wheelbarrow available.
   
10. Spend an hour and a half assembling wheelbarrow.
11. Bandage cuts on hands.
    
12. Break for lunch.
13. Watch two back-to-back episodes of The Amazing Spider-Man
    
14. Begrudgingly return to your project.
15. Use wheelbarrow to remove 20 loads of gravel that were placed in backyard by previous homeowner.
    
16. Curse previous homeowner.
17. Injure back while attempting to remove enormous rosemary bush planted by previous homeowner.
18. Curse previous homeowner.
19. Call straight male friend to see when he is available to complete project for you.
20. Sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor.