May 25, 2005

My nurse manager finally wrote me back. Here's what she had to say:

"You heard directly from me my reason to take you off the schedule. I am sorry if you choose to believe something else. We will not need you the weekends you signed up."

So that's it, huh? After a year of hard work I just get written off like that. She doesn't even bother to hear my side of the story or ask to speak with me. I should mention that she is known for her terrible management and the majority of the staff hate her. It's also notable to mention that she was the recipient of "nurse manager of the year" last month. Pretty hilarious stuff. My now former employer doesn't have very high standards.

I'm angry and very upset about this. I'm upset because I have never left a job in this manner before. I have always left on good terms and all I wanted with this situation was to leave on good terms. The rest of the nursing staff has been very supportive (at least those I've spoken with). I'm also upset that I won't get to work again with all the nurses I really like and respect. All the nurses that have taken so much time teaching and supporting me. It's a shame really, since the majority of the really awesome nurses in that unit are planning on leaving within the next couple of months.

Oh well, at the end of the day I keep telling myself that none of this matters. I have interviews next week and will be moving at the end of June. God I can't wait to get out of here...

May 22, 2005

Well, my suspicions were correct. I was taken off this weekend's work schedule because B. was pissed off at me. I wasn't sure how to handle the situation, but I decided to send an email to C. this afternoon. Here's an excerpt:

It has been brought to my attention that the reason I was taken off the schedule this past weekend was in fact unrelated to budget or productivity issues. I have been told that the reason I was taken off the schedule was because B. had a problem with my work and “attitude” the last weekend we worked together (May 14-15).

C., it saddens me to think that after over a year of hard work and an outstanding annual review (which, as you’ll recall, was written by B.) that after one isolated incident I would be removed from the schedule without an explanation. I would hope that if B., or any other employee for that matter, has a problem with my work that
they would come to me directly so that it could be discussed. Up until now, I have never been made aware of any problems with my work. In fact the only thing I have been told is that everyone enjoys having me around and that I do a good job.

It is my sincere wish that my tenure end on a good note. I would be happy to meet with you and/or B. to ensure that this happens.

I don't know what her response will be or if my message will even make a difference. It just irritates me to think that I haven't had a chance to provide my point of view.

May 20, 2005

I was in such a bad mood last night after all that crap with my job and the evil witches I work with. Well, I checked my email before going to bed and I got a message from one of the nurse recruiters I'm meeting with at the end of the month. She has set up an interview for me with two units. One is the CCU and the other is telemetry. I was so happy to read this and I'm really excited about the interviews.

May 19, 2005

I got a call earlier this afternoon from work. It was D. calling to tell me that B. asked her to tell me not to come in Saturday, Sunday or Monday. When I asked why, the only response I received was "she said we don't need you." I got pretty angry, because I'm sure that this has something to do with last weekend. Whenever I work with B. I feel like she uses me. My job, as I understand it, is to assist the nurses. My job is not to pick up the slack and to do the things that the nurses just don't feel like doing.
When I hung up with D., I was so angry and upset that I was shaking. I waited a few minutes and then called C. (the nurse manager). She was gone for the day, so I left a message asking her to call me tomorrow. My anger has since dissolved and I now I'm not sure how I feel. I really can't believe that some people are so childish. However this turns out, I'm just going to remember that I'm better than these people and I won't give them the satisfaction of seeing me lose my cool. I won't give them the satisfaction of seeing me quit my job or get upset. I will continue to do my job the best I can. Truly I think that will be the best response. Of course, I'm sure I'll whisper "bitch" under my breath every so often.

May 18, 2005

Today I went running on the nature trails at Tom Brown Park. It's amazing to me that after living in Tallahassee for ten years I've hardly spent any time there. Ben called today and asked me to drive to Jacksonville and go to the beach with him. He was in D.C. when he called and thought it would be fun to fly to Florida and go to the beach. Under normal circumstances I would have been happy to meet up with him. Today, however, I just felt like crap and didn't want to go. He was the one that suggested I go for a run. A little exercise therapy was just what I needed.
When I was running on the trails, it seemed like I was the only person there. I could have gone jogging naked and I don't think it would have been a problem. Tom Brown Park doesn't have the most beautiful trails, but it was a nice day and I really worked up a sweat. It made me feel a little better about my job situation. I just keep trying to remember that I have three meetings with recruiters at the end of the month. I could still get a job out there. If I don't, I'm not sure what we'll do. I'll just have to wait and see.

More job bullshit

I'm feeling pretty down about getting that other rejection letter. I was told that there's a hospital in Salem, Oregon that is looking to hire a bunch of BSN graduates. Apparently they're trying to earn magnet status. At any rate, I applied for a couple of jobs at that hospital just for kicks. It's made me feel a lot better to put a couple of more applications out there.
Salem is about an hour from Portland and I don't know how reasonable it would be to live in Portland and commute to Salem for work. I'm not going to worry too much about it right now. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Rejection

I just received another rejection letter for a job I applied for. This is the second "official" rejection I've received. I got the first one the day of my graduation from nursing school. It was the job I really wanted. I saw an email from the hospital and got excited. Of course it was just the recruiter thanking me for applying and informing me that I have not been selected for an interview. Now once again I'm told that apparently I lack some sort of magical quality that makes me worthy of a hospital's attention.
I'm confused and upset. I was a great student and graduated magna cum laude. I've worked as a nurse extern for the last year. I have fabulous references. What's the big fucking deal?!?!?! What do these other applicants have that I don't? Aaron and my parents seem to think that my location is an issue. (I think I wrote about that earlier, but I can't remember...) If that is the case, it's just bullshit. I was a great student and I'm gonna be an awesome nurse, if only some hospital will give me the opportunity.
Every day that goes by without me having a job in Portland, makes me feel more and more sick to my stomach. I sometimes wonder if this move to Portland is a good idea or the worst one I've ever had. I wake up in the morning and my unemployment is all I can think about. After I got today's rejection I felt like I was going to cry.
I am so frustrated right now that I just don't know what to do.

Dear Portland/Vancouver area hospitals,

Please give me a job. It would make me ever so happy if you did.

With all my love,
Todd

Kylie has cancer

I was so shocked to read this morning that my favorite diva Kylie Minogue has been diagnosed with breast cancer. It's quite sad and I hope she does well with any treatment she undergoes.

NCLEX

Well, I received my authorization to test today. I'm scheduled to take the NCLEX on June 7th at 9am. I'm excited and incredibly nervous. This will be the exam that determines whether or not I can actually practice as a registered nurse. I feel pretty confident in my ability to pass, but at the same time I am plagued by feelings of doubt and insecurity. What if I don't really know what I'm doing?
When I was in music school, I always felt like a fraud. Even when I would earn positions in the top ensembles, I felt like I was just pulling the wool over everyone's eyes. I thought that it was only a matter of weeks until my professors and everyone around me would discover that in fact I wasn't a talented percussionist. I was just some dumb kid that managed to fool everyone into thinking he actually knew how to read music and play the marimba.
Now that I've graduated from nursing school, all of those old insecurities are back. I feel like I've just pulled off the biggest heist in the history of nursing academia. I got through two years of nursing school and don't know a damn thing. All of my professors were wrong when they gave me those A's. Those A's actually belonged to someone else, and I actually deserved to flunk out my first semester.
I know I'm just being paranoid, but deep down I really am just an insecure dweeb.

I just finished reading The Great Gatsby last night. It has some of the most beautiful sentences I believe I have ever read. Some of the language just had me reading sections over and over again; lanquishing in Fitzgerald's writing. One particular line that I read last night struck me as quite lovely. After I read it, I really wanted to go paint a picture depicting the scene. Unfortunately, I don't paint. The line is still quite nice. It describes the object of Gatsby's affections, Daisy.

"...she was keeping half a dozen dates a day with half a dozen men, and drowsing
asleep at dawn with the beads and chiffon of an evening dress tangled among the
dying orchids on the floor beside her bed."

Don't ya' just love that?

Another quote I would like to share came from tonight's episode of The Simpsons. It had me laughing out loud.

"Don't make fun of grad students. They just made a poor life choice."

Heh, heh...poor life choice indeed.

Quote

"Not taking a risk is still taking a risk"
-Dr. Sally Karioth

Interviews

Well, I finally managed to get some interviews and meetings with recruiters in Portland. I've been having a really difficult time even getting someone to talk to me. I've been told by family members and several well-meaning friends that it is probably due to my current locations (ie. 3,000 miles from Portland). So, I took the bull by the horns and started making some calls. So far I have two interviews set up with the possibility of a third to come. I will be in Portland May 29th through June 2nd. With any luck, I'll come home with a job.

I still suck

Ok, so a lot has happened since I last wrote. I graduated from nursing school. I am thrilled to be finished. Aaron and I are moving to Portland at the end of June. I am also quite pleased with that. I have been searching for a job, but haven't found anything yet. I have an interview on the 31st with one of the hospitals in Portland. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

So, yes we are moving to the west coast. I am both excited and incredibly scared at the same time. This will be the biggest move I have ever made. For a moment, you should really consider what it is I am proposing to do. I am loading up a U-haul with all of my belongings, loading my boyfriend and cat into the front, and moving to a state that I know NO ONE! Am I insane for doing this? As for the physical act of moving...ugh. I am not looking forward to it. I can only imagine the horrors that await us. I'm sure the cat is going to be a complete joy, given her reputation for freaking out on short rides to the vet. Can you imagine what she's going to be like on a 3,000 mile cross country trek?!?! Oye!

On a completely unrelated note, I have recently become a huge fan of Star Trek. Every day I look forward to the reruns of The Next Generation on the Spike Network. I was thrilled today to see an episode featuring my favorite Star Trek villians, the Borg. My name is Todd and I am a big geek.