Monday, April 23, 2007

The post in which Dead Nurse reveals that he's really just a big insecure mess

A. and I spent the weekend out of town with "friends". I put the word friends in quotes, since I have a difficult time thinking that the people we spent the weekend with are really my friends or ever will be more than just casual acquaintances. Here's the situation...

The whole reason for going out of town was to celebrate the birthday of one of these guys. This particular guy is a little different from the others in that he and A. dated during our breakup early last year. In fact it was my wanting to get back together that caused A. to stop seeing this guy. A. very much wants to stay friends, so I put on a happy face, pack my bag, and spend the weekend with this guy.

I'm sure it sounds weirder than it actually is.

Truth is that all of the people we were with are very nice, intelligent folks. Of course it doesn't help that A. dated one of them and met all of the others while we were apart. I had met several of these guys in the past, and I have always felt that I am being eyed with suspicion since I'm the "asshole boyfriend" who broke up with A. (my words, not their's). This entire weekend, I felt like my presence was simply being tolerated since they all really like A. I appreciated them all welcoming me, but I just couldn't shake that feeling of not belonging. There we were to celebrate the birthday of this guy who once dated my boyfriend. Any wonder why I felt a little out of place?

I had considered saying something to this guy. Something along the lines of "thanks for inviting me. You're a nice guy and I hope we can be friends, blah, blah, blah..." A time for this little chat never really presented itself and part of me thought that he'd probably just shrug his shoulders and say "no big deal." Then again, I'm not even sure that I really want to be friends with my boyfriends ex-flame. He is a nice guy, but it just seems weird that I should be spending the weekend celebrating his birthday.

As for the other guys in attendance, they all seem nice but I don't think I did a very good job at making an impression. Have you ever been to a party where everyone knows each other and you're the only person there who is an outsider? That was me this weekend. I was the outsider in this big circle of friends. Most of the time I just sat by listening to conversations about parties I wasn't at or trips I didn't go on. There were moments where I just wanted to slowly back out of the room, get in the car and drive back home. Perhaps someone would notice for a brief minute that I was missing. "Where did that quiet guy go?" someone would ask. It would stop the conversation for a few seconds, but then they would just keep going.

Perhaps I just don't do well in groups. Perhaps my impression of "just being tolerated" is completely off base. Or perhaps there truly are moments and situations in which you don't belong and for the sake of one's sanity and self esteem, you should just keep yourself the hell away.

Friday, April 13, 2007

More flowers


100_0511.JPG, originally uploaded by twarlik.

Flowers


100_0516.JPG, originally uploaded by twarlik.

Monday, April 09, 2007

I'm alive!

Ok, so I have been a bit slack the last couple of months when it comes to this site. It's not that I've just been sitting at home playing World of Warcraft. (Alright, so maybe I've been doing that a little bit...) Here's a brief update on what Dead Nurse has been up to:

My friend Ben visited from Montreal.

We saw a bunch of cherry blossoms.

I watched the Oscars with Aaron, Stephanie, and Jessica and ate a bunch of junk food.

We saw a whole bunch of tulips.


Oh, and Aaron and I bought a house.


So as you can see, I have been doing quite a bit. We close on our house April 25th and I can't wait to get moved in. We have a lot of work ahead of us, but we're both looking forward to it.

Hopefully it won't be two months until my next posting.